The arrival of Sarah
Sarah is my cousin from Ohio who I have loved like a sister from the first time I saw her in the airport holding a homemade sign welcoming me to Ohio for the first time. When she heard what I was going through she volunteered to come to Texas and stay with me a while. I am so excited that she is coming and a little sad because I am in the hospital. I told Greg that when he picks Sarah up from the airport to feed her, take her home let her rest and then bring her to see me. She tells Greg that he is to take her straight to the hospital. I am talking a little but not a whole lot. I am so excited to have Sarah here she is my partner in crime. She comes to the hospital every day. Sarah did really wonderful things like bring me pintos and cheese from taco bell. She would also fix me diet coke without thickener and hide the evidence when a nurse would come in.
She would also read to me which would calm me. She would make sure the nurses were on top of their game so my ambulance ride the hyperbaric chamber went off in a timely manner. The chamber is my favorite part of the day. I am locked in a tube and no one can bother me. Another highlight of the chamber is I can watch movies.
This next part is a bit of advice for people in the same situation. Now anyone who walks into the hyperbaric room can see what movie you are watching but you are the only one who can here the movie. I put in a movie that sounded good it was called love actually. Well one of the couples in the movie is standing in for porn stars. Get this mental picture I am laying in my little tube when a nekkid man and nekkid women are making the motions of having sex. As this is playing out and I am trying to hide under my blanket the Doctor walks in showing his hyperbaric room. He is walking backwards so he doesn’t see what is playing out on the screen but everyone else can see. The Christian girl is watching simulated porn in public. The lesson here is know your movie before you put it in. From now on when in doubt watch second hand lions.
PS
naked = no clothes on
nekkid=no clothes on and is up to something
o
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
The Chamber
My mother in law has gone home and I am spending my days by myself. Greg comes in after work and stays with me most of the evening. Physical therapy has not assessed me so the nurses will not move me. I am confined to bed which is okay until I have to go to the bathroom. They have brought me a bedside commode but I am not allowed to put any pressure on either of my feet. I am trying to explain to the nurse via notecards and sign language that I have to go. I am doing the potty dance in my bed. Greg gets to the hospital and I get across to him that I have to go and it is now a potty emergency. He gets the nurse and she is standing in the door way explaining how they are not going to touch me until PT assesses me. While she is still talking Greg comes over scoops me out of bed, carries me over and places me on the toilet. Oh, what sweet relief!
I still can’t talk but my doctor tells me they are going to down size my trach which will make it easier for me to eat and will allow me to talk. The smaller trash will also allow me to start hyperbaric oxygen treatment. My trach is downsized I now have a very raspy weak voice.
I go to my first hyperbaric treatment, they tell me it is like taking off in an airplane. I will have to get my ears to pop to equalize something. Well, that is all fine in theory but if you have ever had a trach you know every time you go to blow your nose it blows out your neck. This can also be a lot of fun. Burping through your neck is a really funky experience and I have hocked my best loogie ever. It had height and distance every golfers dream. It flew out of my neck and landed on the wall next to my TV.
Okay I have gotten sidetracked, my first hyperbaric treatment I can’t equalize and I get the worst headache that will not go away. I am on pretty strong painkillers, but they are not working on my headache. Late that evening my pulmonologist comes to see me asks how I am doing I tell him about my headache, he says he write something for it.
I now make up every excuse I can come up with to not go back to the hyperbaric chamber. They decide that I need tubes in my ears or my trach removed. I get both my trach is capped which makes it a lot easier to talk but harder to breath. The problem with having my trach removed is there is still a gaping hole in my neck. I still can’t build up pressure to pop my ears. So I get tubes in my ears I now have no excuse for not going to The Chamber. The hyperbaric chamber is a long clear tube with stretcher like bed very thin mattress NOT comfortable. Getting you in the chamber is a process you have to have a hospital gown or scrubs. Right before you go in you have to be grounded to the chamber so you don’t catch on fire while you are in there. There is no emergency release you have to be brought out gradually or you could get the bends like a scuba diver. There are no potty breaks! They give you a bottle of water which I can’t have because I am on honey thick liquids. I get a blanket, a pillow for head and one for my butt. They put you in and put on a movie of your choice. This becomes my favorite part of the day, I know for 2 hours I will not be poked, prodded, harassed or even talked to. I am in my own little world for 2 hours.
I still can’t talk but my doctor tells me they are going to down size my trach which will make it easier for me to eat and will allow me to talk. The smaller trash will also allow me to start hyperbaric oxygen treatment. My trach is downsized I now have a very raspy weak voice.
I go to my first hyperbaric treatment, they tell me it is like taking off in an airplane. I will have to get my ears to pop to equalize something. Well, that is all fine in theory but if you have ever had a trach you know every time you go to blow your nose it blows out your neck. This can also be a lot of fun. Burping through your neck is a really funky experience and I have hocked my best loogie ever. It had height and distance every golfers dream. It flew out of my neck and landed on the wall next to my TV.
Okay I have gotten sidetracked, my first hyperbaric treatment I can’t equalize and I get the worst headache that will not go away. I am on pretty strong painkillers, but they are not working on my headache. Late that evening my pulmonologist comes to see me asks how I am doing I tell him about my headache, he says he write something for it.
I now make up every excuse I can come up with to not go back to the hyperbaric chamber. They decide that I need tubes in my ears or my trach removed. I get both my trach is capped which makes it a lot easier to talk but harder to breath. The problem with having my trach removed is there is still a gaping hole in my neck. I still can’t build up pressure to pop my ears. So I get tubes in my ears I now have no excuse for not going to The Chamber. The hyperbaric chamber is a long clear tube with stretcher like bed very thin mattress NOT comfortable. Getting you in the chamber is a process you have to have a hospital gown or scrubs. Right before you go in you have to be grounded to the chamber so you don’t catch on fire while you are in there. There is no emergency release you have to be brought out gradually or you could get the bends like a scuba diver. There are no potty breaks! They give you a bottle of water which I can’t have because I am on honey thick liquids. I get a blanket, a pillow for head and one for my butt. They put you in and put on a movie of your choice. This becomes my favorite part of the day, I know for 2 hours I will not be poked, prodded, harassed or even talked to. I am in my own little world for 2 hours.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The rise of Nubby.
Now I am living completely inside my head because I can’t talk. I am not sure what to call my amputated leg. I learned the technical term is stump. I decided that his name was nubby. So when I was thinking about things I always referred to my right leg as nubby. This strange phenomenon is occurring with nubby, I wake up and he is standing straight up. Now being who I am there is a lot of room for humor that I can’t share with anyone. People would come to visit and I would be either laughing or crying and unable to explain why.
The hospital decides I need long term care so I am being transferred out. Because I have a trach I can’t go straight to rehab. I have to go to an acute care center. The one Greg chooses for me is select specialty hospital. He has toured the hospital and assures me it is nice. The thought of being transferred really scares me. I can’t convey my fear very well so once again I am in tears. I was told once that tears were God’s way of cleaning our eyes. Let me tell you my eyes are very clean. I am being transferred via ambulance. I always wanted to know what it was like to ride in an ambulance, Not very exciting or comfortable. Greg goes ahead of me and meets me at the new hospital.
This is the darkest time for me. Wound care comes to change my bandages and I get the first real good look at my left foot. All my toes are black and except for my big toe most of my foot is black with gangrene. I am told I am lucky that it is the dry gangrene which means it won’t spread. I don’t believe in luck, thank you Jesus. I can’t stand to look at my foot so I have them wrap it all the way up. When I look at my foot I really don’t handle it very well. It just looks like death to me.
I am on a puree diet. You really haven’t lived until you have looked at a plate of food and you can’t make out what it used to be and the smell makes you want to vomit. The only meal I really eat is breakfast. It is hard to mess up cream of wheat. I would lie in bed at night and cry to the sound of my stomach growling. Needless to say I lose a lot of weight; I weigh the same as I did in Jr. High. When you are down to nothing but God you realize He is all you need.
The hospital decides I need long term care so I am being transferred out. Because I have a trach I can’t go straight to rehab. I have to go to an acute care center. The one Greg chooses for me is select specialty hospital. He has toured the hospital and assures me it is nice. The thought of being transferred really scares me. I can’t convey my fear very well so once again I am in tears. I was told once that tears were God’s way of cleaning our eyes. Let me tell you my eyes are very clean. I am being transferred via ambulance. I always wanted to know what it was like to ride in an ambulance, Not very exciting or comfortable. Greg goes ahead of me and meets me at the new hospital.
This is the darkest time for me. Wound care comes to change my bandages and I get the first real good look at my left foot. All my toes are black and except for my big toe most of my foot is black with gangrene. I am told I am lucky that it is the dry gangrene which means it won’t spread. I don’t believe in luck, thank you Jesus. I can’t stand to look at my foot so I have them wrap it all the way up. When I look at my foot I really don’t handle it very well. It just looks like death to me.
I am on a puree diet. You really haven’t lived until you have looked at a plate of food and you can’t make out what it used to be and the smell makes you want to vomit. The only meal I really eat is breakfast. It is hard to mess up cream of wheat. I would lie in bed at night and cry to the sound of my stomach growling. Needless to say I lose a lot of weight; I weigh the same as I did in Jr. High. When you are down to nothing but God you realize He is all you need.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
The long road to recovery
My mother in love Alicemae has made for me these 3 by 5 cards on a binder with important words or phrases on them. Stuff like yes, no, hungry, thirsty, pain meds, bed pan, barf bucket, suction. These index cards gave me a way to communicate. The nurses relied on them as much as I did. I am in my hospital room getting settled in. This is when Greg went back to work for those of you doing the math Greg has not been back to work for about 3 weeks. Greg’s company has been so good to us.
They come in to take me to my swallow test. I am taken down to a part of radiology on a stretcher which means you get parked in a hall way until they are ready for you. Finally my turn, I am wheeled in propped up so they can see the path that the food takes once it leaves my mouth. Now this is where stuff just gets gross, so GROSS ALERT. In order for the technician to see the path the food takes they cover the food with barium. First they start with water, water why don’t they just ask me to drink barium. Next apple juice mixed with barium, then mashed potatoes with barium, from there hamburger meat covered with barium and lastly barium covered chicken fried steak. All I can taste is the barium and it is heavy in my mouth. I just wanted to vomit and I almost did. Needless to say I fail my swallow test. Liquid diet and the liquids have to be honey thick. I am not happy.
They come in to take me to my swallow test. I am taken down to a part of radiology on a stretcher which means you get parked in a hall way until they are ready for you. Finally my turn, I am wheeled in propped up so they can see the path that the food takes once it leaves my mouth. Now this is where stuff just gets gross, so GROSS ALERT. In order for the technician to see the path the food takes they cover the food with barium. First they start with water, water why don’t they just ask me to drink barium. Next apple juice mixed with barium, then mashed potatoes with barium, from there hamburger meat covered with barium and lastly barium covered chicken fried steak. All I can taste is the barium and it is heavy in my mouth. I just wanted to vomit and I almost did. Needless to say I fail my swallow test. Liquid diet and the liquids have to be honey thick. I am not happy.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Trying to get clarity
Trying to get clarity
I am in and out of sleep all day. I am still sure that my husband has left me; why else would he spend so little time with me. I had no idea that you can only visit people in ICU for 5 minutes at a time. I also had no concept of how many people were waiting to see me or how long they had been waiting. All I knew was Greg was ushering people in to see me and not staying with them.
Shift changes from day shift to night shift. Night nurse comes in to check my vitals; he tells me I am running a fever. He goes on to say that if I am running a fever I can’t be moved from ICU to a regular room. He then wraps my neck my wrists and my thighs with cold wet wash rags. At first this feels good, but it quickly degrades from good to chicken zit chilly. So naturally I start to remove all the cold rags. He takes the cold rags off just to make them colder and replace them on my body. I start to take them off again; he puts them back on and explains that if I am running a fever then I can’t be transferred out of ICU. I shrug my shoulders and try to pantomime why doesn’t he just give me something to break my fever. I am not sure if he understood my wild gesturing but he keeps talking and tells me if he ordered something for my fever, I would then have to spend another 24 hours in ICU. So the night is spent with me falling asleep then waking up to really cold rags being placed on my body. My fever comes down.
The next morning is spent preparing me to transfer to a regular hospital room. I am starving I can’t remember the last time I ate. Greg shows up that morning with a tropical punch drink. I make him give me some. That is the best tasting tropical punch I have ever had. I want more and the nurse tells me no. I try to ask when I get to eat. Someone finally figures this out and says they will ask. Okay good enough for now. The speech therapist comes by to explain to me that I have to pass a swallow test in order to eat. The earliest they can schedule one is for tomorrow. No food or liquid till after the swallow test. I didn’t think they could do it but they just came up with a new form of torture. Not only was having the trake cleaned one of the most painful things on the planet but also because of my trake I couldn’t talk or eat. Throwing hands up in the air in complete defeat, I cry once again. I get moved into my new hospital room. I am trying to get Greg alone, the closest I get is me Greg and my mother in law Alicemae.
This is when I discover that my right hand is pretty much frozen up. I take a sharpie and a legal pad and try to ask Greg if he is angry with me. I can’t write with my right hand and my left hand is shaking so bad that nothing is legible. I finally get down on paper that I am scared. Greg says that is understandable and asks what am I scared of. I swallow hard how I can put everything I am feeling down on a legal were it can be understood. What am I scared of: that I will never walk again, that you will never look at me the same way again, that I will never get to go home again, that you don’t love me anymore, that you will leave me. What I finally get down on paper, I am scared that you will leave me. Greg laughs out loud this half laugh half sigh of relief. Alicemae asks what’s so funny and Greg shows her what I wrote and she laughs too. I look at both of them, Greg takes my hand and says he will never leave me; this is just something we have to get through. I am crying again but this time tears of Joy and relief. Greg sits down on the side of my bed and asks me if I am angry with him. I shake my head no and ask y. He said he was scared that I would be mad at him over the amputation. I just shake my head no and lay my head in his lap. What I could not convey with my very limited communication skills is that I trust him. He always puts me first and makes the best possible decisions where I am concerned and that I love him very much and need him now more than ever. What I get on the legal pad, No mad luv u. He smiles and hugs me this time he is crying too.
PS Some of ya'll have read this and then sent me an email on what you were feeling. It is okay to post your feelings in the comment section.
I am in and out of sleep all day. I am still sure that my husband has left me; why else would he spend so little time with me. I had no idea that you can only visit people in ICU for 5 minutes at a time. I also had no concept of how many people were waiting to see me or how long they had been waiting. All I knew was Greg was ushering people in to see me and not staying with them.
Shift changes from day shift to night shift. Night nurse comes in to check my vitals; he tells me I am running a fever. He goes on to say that if I am running a fever I can’t be moved from ICU to a regular room. He then wraps my neck my wrists and my thighs with cold wet wash rags. At first this feels good, but it quickly degrades from good to chicken zit chilly. So naturally I start to remove all the cold rags. He takes the cold rags off just to make them colder and replace them on my body. I start to take them off again; he puts them back on and explains that if I am running a fever then I can’t be transferred out of ICU. I shrug my shoulders and try to pantomime why doesn’t he just give me something to break my fever. I am not sure if he understood my wild gesturing but he keeps talking and tells me if he ordered something for my fever, I would then have to spend another 24 hours in ICU. So the night is spent with me falling asleep then waking up to really cold rags being placed on my body. My fever comes down.
The next morning is spent preparing me to transfer to a regular hospital room. I am starving I can’t remember the last time I ate. Greg shows up that morning with a tropical punch drink. I make him give me some. That is the best tasting tropical punch I have ever had. I want more and the nurse tells me no. I try to ask when I get to eat. Someone finally figures this out and says they will ask. Okay good enough for now. The speech therapist comes by to explain to me that I have to pass a swallow test in order to eat. The earliest they can schedule one is for tomorrow. No food or liquid till after the swallow test. I didn’t think they could do it but they just came up with a new form of torture. Not only was having the trake cleaned one of the most painful things on the planet but also because of my trake I couldn’t talk or eat. Throwing hands up in the air in complete defeat, I cry once again. I get moved into my new hospital room. I am trying to get Greg alone, the closest I get is me Greg and my mother in law Alicemae.
This is when I discover that my right hand is pretty much frozen up. I take a sharpie and a legal pad and try to ask Greg if he is angry with me. I can’t write with my right hand and my left hand is shaking so bad that nothing is legible. I finally get down on paper that I am scared. Greg says that is understandable and asks what am I scared of. I swallow hard how I can put everything I am feeling down on a legal were it can be understood. What am I scared of: that I will never walk again, that you will never look at me the same way again, that I will never get to go home again, that you don’t love me anymore, that you will leave me. What I finally get down on paper, I am scared that you will leave me. Greg laughs out loud this half laugh half sigh of relief. Alicemae asks what’s so funny and Greg shows her what I wrote and she laughs too. I look at both of them, Greg takes my hand and says he will never leave me; this is just something we have to get through. I am crying again but this time tears of Joy and relief. Greg sits down on the side of my bed and asks me if I am angry with him. I shake my head no and ask y. He said he was scared that I would be mad at him over the amputation. I just shake my head no and lay my head in his lap. What I could not convey with my very limited communication skills is that I trust him. He always puts me first and makes the best possible decisions where I am concerned and that I love him very much and need him now more than ever. What I get on the legal pad, No mad luv u. He smiles and hugs me this time he is crying too.
PS Some of ya'll have read this and then sent me an email on what you were feeling. It is okay to post your feelings in the comment section.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
The 2 and half weeks I don’t Remember
The 2 and half weeks I don’t Remember
I really feel like I went to sleep on that stretcher on January 14th and woke up on February 3rd in the hospital. I remember looking at the dry erase board thinking there had to be some kind of mistake. I am jumping way ahead so let me tell you what I remember. Wow, this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I mainly remember that I was desperate for Greg and I wanted to see my mom. I am trying to start a sentence with something other then I remember. The next thing I recall is Pam in my room and she is talking to me and I am trying to stay awake. She brushes my hair and I was really thankful that someone remembered to brush my hair it tangles really easy.
Oh I want to mention that these next 2 ½ weeks are in no particular order. Every time I try to put them in some kind of order I get confused and lost. Next well maybe not next but at one time Leasa, Ellen, Alice and Michelle were in my room and I was in so much pain. The kind of pain that doesn’t let you rest or have any kind of peace. They were trying to get me to relax. Ellen gave me her hand and said its okay you can squeeze it and I did. Every once in while Michelle would appear and give me something to drink. Leasa was massaging my head and face while Alice sang the Emily mix of hymns that she would sing for her daughter. In-between people being around me there was mixture of pain and sadness. Pain that was so intense inwardly I would pray that God would take me home while outwardly begging for someone to just cut off my legs. Lady’s from my church came and prayed over me and I tried to concentrate on their words but there were too many drugs in my system for me to concentrate on anything.
The first real memory I have of being in the hospital is waking up in ICU and Greg telling me he was leaving which I took to mean he was leaving me and not the hospital. I closed my eyes to cry and saw demons swirling above my head. I opened my eyes and it was dark in my room I closed my eyes again and saw the demons. Then Greg came back and said someone wanted to see me. It was my friend Tina, she asked how I doing (this is when I discovered I could not talk) I tried to answer but nothing came out. She asked if she could pray for me and I nodded yes. Tina put her hands on my arm and she prayed and then she left. I noticed two very large figures standing behind me on either side of the bed. I very timidly asked the figure directly behind me,” What kind of man are you”? The figure answered “I am not a man, I am Jesus and this is not about you it is about spiritual warfare. “ I looked over to the other figure and Jesus said “I have sent my angel to protect you” then he disappeared but the angel remained. I closed my eyes and the demons were gone and in their place were an over whelming sense of peace and comfort. I was able to rest not just rest but sleep.
Sometime later in the middle of the night I realized my leg was gone. I panicked and I couldn’t talk I had a trake in my neck because they had a hard time incubating me. I was wild it felt like the bandage on my stump was cutting off circulation to my leg and I couldn’t communicate what I feeling. My night nurse finally realizes what I am trying to say. She says the bandage is not too tight. I insist that it is too tight seeing my growing panic she pulls the sheet down slides the bandage off of my stump and says see not too tight. I am stunned my right leg has been amputated below the knee. I lay back down I realize I am sweating, I try to speak and nothing I can’t talk all I can do is cry. I want my mom I swear I hear her in the waiting room. I want the nurse to check, but the nurse is trying to calm me down. I refuse to calm down I know my mom is here she wouldn’t let me go through something like this without her. As best as I can without being able to speak I demand to see my mom. Once again she gives me a baffled look and says it is the middle of the night. I start crying again and they put enough of something in my IV to knock me out. The next morning the nurse comes in to do vitals and change my bandages. She is happily singing along to an Amy Grant CD Greg has playing. She starts to change the bandage around my trake. The skin around the trake is just raw. Every time she touches it, it is torture. She cleans around my trake actually scrubbing some places the pain is excruciating and all I can do is cry.
I really feel like I went to sleep on that stretcher on January 14th and woke up on February 3rd in the hospital. I remember looking at the dry erase board thinking there had to be some kind of mistake. I am jumping way ahead so let me tell you what I remember. Wow, this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I mainly remember that I was desperate for Greg and I wanted to see my mom. I am trying to start a sentence with something other then I remember. The next thing I recall is Pam in my room and she is talking to me and I am trying to stay awake. She brushes my hair and I was really thankful that someone remembered to brush my hair it tangles really easy.
Oh I want to mention that these next 2 ½ weeks are in no particular order. Every time I try to put them in some kind of order I get confused and lost. Next well maybe not next but at one time Leasa, Ellen, Alice and Michelle were in my room and I was in so much pain. The kind of pain that doesn’t let you rest or have any kind of peace. They were trying to get me to relax. Ellen gave me her hand and said its okay you can squeeze it and I did. Every once in while Michelle would appear and give me something to drink. Leasa was massaging my head and face while Alice sang the Emily mix of hymns that she would sing for her daughter. In-between people being around me there was mixture of pain and sadness. Pain that was so intense inwardly I would pray that God would take me home while outwardly begging for someone to just cut off my legs. Lady’s from my church came and prayed over me and I tried to concentrate on their words but there were too many drugs in my system for me to concentrate on anything.
The first real memory I have of being in the hospital is waking up in ICU and Greg telling me he was leaving which I took to mean he was leaving me and not the hospital. I closed my eyes to cry and saw demons swirling above my head. I opened my eyes and it was dark in my room I closed my eyes again and saw the demons. Then Greg came back and said someone wanted to see me. It was my friend Tina, she asked how I doing (this is when I discovered I could not talk) I tried to answer but nothing came out. She asked if she could pray for me and I nodded yes. Tina put her hands on my arm and she prayed and then she left. I noticed two very large figures standing behind me on either side of the bed. I very timidly asked the figure directly behind me,” What kind of man are you”? The figure answered “I am not a man, I am Jesus and this is not about you it is about spiritual warfare. “ I looked over to the other figure and Jesus said “I have sent my angel to protect you” then he disappeared but the angel remained. I closed my eyes and the demons were gone and in their place were an over whelming sense of peace and comfort. I was able to rest not just rest but sleep.
Sometime later in the middle of the night I realized my leg was gone. I panicked and I couldn’t talk I had a trake in my neck because they had a hard time incubating me. I was wild it felt like the bandage on my stump was cutting off circulation to my leg and I couldn’t communicate what I feeling. My night nurse finally realizes what I am trying to say. She says the bandage is not too tight. I insist that it is too tight seeing my growing panic she pulls the sheet down slides the bandage off of my stump and says see not too tight. I am stunned my right leg has been amputated below the knee. I lay back down I realize I am sweating, I try to speak and nothing I can’t talk all I can do is cry. I want my mom I swear I hear her in the waiting room. I want the nurse to check, but the nurse is trying to calm me down. I refuse to calm down I know my mom is here she wouldn’t let me go through something like this without her. As best as I can without being able to speak I demand to see my mom. Once again she gives me a baffled look and says it is the middle of the night. I start crying again and they put enough of something in my IV to knock me out. The next morning the nurse comes in to do vitals and change my bandages. She is happily singing along to an Amy Grant CD Greg has playing. She starts to change the bandage around my trake. The skin around the trake is just raw. Every time she touches it, it is torture. She cleans around my trake actually scrubbing some places the pain is excruciating and all I can do is cry.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
The night that changes everything
This is one of those times when looking back you see God's hand. How the right people were in the right place at the right time. I knew my God was the God of right now but it is never been as real to me or as important to me as it has been this past year.
Around 6:30 PM on January 14 Greg and I went to the emergency room. Greg Drove up to the patient drop off circle to drop me off so I can start the paper work while he parks. I put one foot on the ground firmly plant my cane then as I put my other foot down and try to stand up I fall to the ground. I scream as I fall a gentleman sees and hears my scream comes running grabs my hand and says I am here now everything will be okay. Greg puts the car in park and arrives a second later. The man looks at Greg and tells him to take care of what he needs to take care of.
Greg runs inside the man tells me to squeeze his hand if I need to. I squeezed the heck out his hand. He never loses eye contact with me. Every time I start to feel panicky the man has me focus on him and tells me everything is going to be okay. I pass out and when I come to there is a women with a wheel chair, I look at her and then try to find Greg I don’t see him. The man holding my hand tells me to squeeze his hand. I pass out again when I wake I see the lady with the wheelchair is talking to someone. Greg is beside me and I hear people talking. I go into and out of consciousness every time I open my eyes I see this man and he tells everything is going to fine. The next time I open my eyes I hear someone say we are not using the wheelchair but a back board. As they are placing me on the back board I ask the man if he works for the hospital, he says no I was just leaving from visiting a friend when I heard you scream. They lift me in the air and put me on the stretcher, after I am on the stretcher I feel safe so I close my eyes.
The only other thing I remember from that night is I called my mother in law 1 o’clock in the morning and said this is serious you need to come, she was on the road by 1:30.
Around 6:30 PM on January 14 Greg and I went to the emergency room. Greg Drove up to the patient drop off circle to drop me off so I can start the paper work while he parks. I put one foot on the ground firmly plant my cane then as I put my other foot down and try to stand up I fall to the ground. I scream as I fall a gentleman sees and hears my scream comes running grabs my hand and says I am here now everything will be okay. Greg puts the car in park and arrives a second later. The man looks at Greg and tells him to take care of what he needs to take care of.
Greg runs inside the man tells me to squeeze his hand if I need to. I squeezed the heck out his hand. He never loses eye contact with me. Every time I start to feel panicky the man has me focus on him and tells me everything is going to be okay. I pass out and when I come to there is a women with a wheel chair, I look at her and then try to find Greg I don’t see him. The man holding my hand tells me to squeeze his hand. I pass out again when I wake I see the lady with the wheelchair is talking to someone. Greg is beside me and I hear people talking. I go into and out of consciousness every time I open my eyes I see this man and he tells everything is going to fine. The next time I open my eyes I hear someone say we are not using the wheelchair but a back board. As they are placing me on the back board I ask the man if he works for the hospital, he says no I was just leaving from visiting a friend when I heard you scream. They lift me in the air and put me on the stretcher, after I am on the stretcher I feel safe so I close my eyes.
The only other thing I remember from that night is I called my mother in law 1 o’clock in the morning and said this is serious you need to come, she was on the road by 1:30.
Monday, August 16, 2010
home sweet home well maybe not
When we get home I have this idea that I will be up and running marathons by the second week. The first day it is not easy to get comfortable. They had compression hose on me so I really didn’t have a lot of swelling. The first night I had Greg up every hour to help me roll over or go to the bathroom or adjust my pillows or bring me pain meds needless to say it was a rough night for both of us.. There was no position that I could sleep in that was comfortable or even painless the best we could shoot for was less pain. The pain I was having was more from the RA and not the surgery. We went to see a movie on Sunday evening and I could feel my feet swelling. I was expecting the swelling that is what happens when I don’t take my RA meds. The second night was better I only got Greg up twice. We learned to keep a dose of my pain medicine and some water next to my bed then I didn’t have to wake him in the middle of the night.
. My 2 week checkup after the surgery went well and I was making good progress. With how swollen my feet were it looked like I trying to smuggle sausages out of the doctor’s office in my panty hose.
When the compression hose came off is when the real problems began. Now my feet would swell and there was nothing to push the blood back up. My feet just seemed to get bigger and more painful. I had kankles and people told I knew what is like to be pregnant. Great all the pain and none of the benefits.
We went to thanksgiving at our friend’s house. Good food, good friends and thankful hearts it was a good time. After we ate I gave everyone the chance to lose to me in dominos. I was unable to complete an entire game of Mexican train my feet were hurting to bad. Greg and I ended up leaving early the drive home was just excruciating. We get home I go to bed with my feet propped up with ice packs on them okay not really ice packs frozen corn. My take home instruction says that frozen peas make good ice packs. Closest thing I had to peas was corn. I am reading my progress sheet things I should be able to do. At 4 weeks I should be able to walk a mile, I count on my fingers this is week 3 I have some work to do. I start walking around the block mostly and I step up the exercises I am doing. Week 4 my friend Marcy takes me to the mall to walk my mile. We walk some sit down to eat and then walk some more. I made my mile. I was exhausted and in so much pain I just wanted to cry. Midway through week 4 we go to the urgent care clinic to see if there is anything they can do. They give me a topical anti-inflammatory which works some but there is still no relief. Greg goes and gets one of those water foot massagers. I put my feet in there for about 10 seconds. The water hitting my feet felt like little knives stabbing my feet. I feel completely defeated I just started crying.
We made it through Christmas, which were my last time wearing normal shoes. It was so painful to walk that I stay in bed with my feet propped up with nothing touching then. I had given up on making the other milestones. I got depressed and stayed in bed. We go over a friend’s house for New Year’s Eve. I am wearing Greg’s slippers because they are large enough for me to position my feet were they not touching anything.
First week of January I have my 6 week checkup. There are a lot of people in the waiting room. We sit out there for a long time my feet are killing me. I finally get called back to a room; they x-ray me and weigh me. My doctor is in the hallway and we make eye contact and he can see I am crying. So he comes straight over to my room talks to me looks at my feet and asks me to walk for him and I do. He says I can start taking my RA Meds again. I am elated and relieved maybe back on my RA med I can get some relief. The first week back on my RA meds I see no signs of improvement. I tell myself that is okay it takes a while to get in my system. The second week on my RA med I get worse. It was Sunday evening and I can’t get warm and I am restless I can’t settle down. I tell Greg that I am going to take a shower. I turn the water as hot as I can stand it. I am sweating in the shower, steam is everywhere and I can’t get my feet warm. I get into my pajamas and I am about to crawl in bed when Greg walks into our steamy bedroom and asks if the shower helped. I say no I am still cold, my feet still hurt and now my hands are cold and tingly. He looks at me and says grab your shoes and coat we are going to the emergency room.
. My 2 week checkup after the surgery went well and I was making good progress. With how swollen my feet were it looked like I trying to smuggle sausages out of the doctor’s office in my panty hose.
When the compression hose came off is when the real problems began. Now my feet would swell and there was nothing to push the blood back up. My feet just seemed to get bigger and more painful. I had kankles and people told I knew what is like to be pregnant. Great all the pain and none of the benefits.
We went to thanksgiving at our friend’s house. Good food, good friends and thankful hearts it was a good time. After we ate I gave everyone the chance to lose to me in dominos. I was unable to complete an entire game of Mexican train my feet were hurting to bad. Greg and I ended up leaving early the drive home was just excruciating. We get home I go to bed with my feet propped up with ice packs on them okay not really ice packs frozen corn. My take home instruction says that frozen peas make good ice packs. Closest thing I had to peas was corn. I am reading my progress sheet things I should be able to do. At 4 weeks I should be able to walk a mile, I count on my fingers this is week 3 I have some work to do. I start walking around the block mostly and I step up the exercises I am doing. Week 4 my friend Marcy takes me to the mall to walk my mile. We walk some sit down to eat and then walk some more. I made my mile. I was exhausted and in so much pain I just wanted to cry. Midway through week 4 we go to the urgent care clinic to see if there is anything they can do. They give me a topical anti-inflammatory which works some but there is still no relief. Greg goes and gets one of those water foot massagers. I put my feet in there for about 10 seconds. The water hitting my feet felt like little knives stabbing my feet. I feel completely defeated I just started crying.
We made it through Christmas, which were my last time wearing normal shoes. It was so painful to walk that I stay in bed with my feet propped up with nothing touching then. I had given up on making the other milestones. I got depressed and stayed in bed. We go over a friend’s house for New Year’s Eve. I am wearing Greg’s slippers because they are large enough for me to position my feet were they not touching anything.
First week of January I have my 6 week checkup. There are a lot of people in the waiting room. We sit out there for a long time my feet are killing me. I finally get called back to a room; they x-ray me and weigh me. My doctor is in the hallway and we make eye contact and he can see I am crying. So he comes straight over to my room talks to me looks at my feet and asks me to walk for him and I do. He says I can start taking my RA Meds again. I am elated and relieved maybe back on my RA med I can get some relief. The first week back on my RA meds I see no signs of improvement. I tell myself that is okay it takes a while to get in my system. The second week on my RA med I get worse. It was Sunday evening and I can’t get warm and I am restless I can’t settle down. I tell Greg that I am going to take a shower. I turn the water as hot as I can stand it. I am sweating in the shower, steam is everywhere and I can’t get my feet warm. I get into my pajamas and I am about to crawl in bed when Greg walks into our steamy bedroom and asks if the shower helped. I say no I am still cold, my feet still hurt and now my hands are cold and tingly. He looks at me and says grab your shoes and coat we are going to the emergency room.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Hip replacement part 2 Really, you’re kidding right.
Hip replacement part 2 Really, you’re kidding right.
I wake up bright and early, okay that is a complete lie. I was forced awake way too early so the vampires (nurses) can take what little blood I have left. I am grumpy groggy and disbelieving how early it is. The up side is breakfast is at 8 AM so that means hhhhmmm finally focusing on the clock breakfast is in 3 hours WHAT. Pushing morphine pump going back to sleep. Lying in bed counting ceiling tiles. I have a hard time sleeping without my husband.
Breakfast finally arrives about the same time as my friend Michelle. Greg has to work and I had originally said I would be fine by myself. I am so glad she did not listen to me. I get out of bed for my morning walk; I am surprised by the lack of pain in my hip. Everything else hurts because I am not taking my RA meds. When I get back I sit in the recliner. Michelle and I play skip-bo in-between doctor and therapist visits. The first visit is an associate of my sergeon and says I get to go home today. Wwooooohooooo. Then comes the occupational therapist we go through some exercises and she decides I need a sock putter oner. She shows me how to put on my socks using it, very cool. Beats the heck out of a coat hanger and a pooper scooper handle.
Next I walk some more and find out I am not going today because my physical therapists went to see the mid night showing of twilight and wasn’t coming in till after lunch. We have lunch then a PT assistant comes and goes through my exercises with me. These hurt but I do all of them. I am really starting to get tired bed is looking really good. Michelle and I are playing cards and I am winning a lot. She says the morphine improves my game, I think she is just jealous because I am THE superior card player. About 2 o’clock Greg’s gets to the hospital. I am tired and ready to crawl back in bed. Greg wants to see me walk. So Michelle leaves and me Greg and rosy (my Cane) go for a walk. Now I am exhausted we get back to my room Greg helps me get back in bed and I close my eyes. In walks my physical therapist, she says she needs to see me walk. I say now and she acts offended that I am lying in bed and don’t wanna get up. She insists and Greg tries to defend me. So I am up and walking again. As we are walking down the hallway I ask how far I have to walk. She says as far I want, I respond really. She says yes, so I turn around and head back to my room. Greg helps me back to bed. I have never been happier to be in bed. And I sleep to dinner arrives. After dinner Greg goes home.
There is now more time in-between how often I can hit the morphine button. So no using the morphine button to put me to sleep. I spend a very long night in the hospital. Greg is there by breakfast we are very excited to be going home. We go for a morning walk and I show Greg where we had joint academy and the therapy room. We get back to my room and fill out the go home paper work. Greg packs me up and we wait. It seems to me we waited an eternity but it really was a matter of minutes. The nurse’s aid comes in and packs more stuff from our room to take home. It was very important to her for me to take my barf bucket home. She helps me into the car and we make it home. Home this where the real adventure begins.
I wake up bright and early, okay that is a complete lie. I was forced awake way too early so the vampires (nurses) can take what little blood I have left. I am grumpy groggy and disbelieving how early it is. The up side is breakfast is at 8 AM so that means hhhhmmm finally focusing on the clock breakfast is in 3 hours WHAT. Pushing morphine pump going back to sleep. Lying in bed counting ceiling tiles. I have a hard time sleeping without my husband.
Breakfast finally arrives about the same time as my friend Michelle. Greg has to work and I had originally said I would be fine by myself. I am so glad she did not listen to me. I get out of bed for my morning walk; I am surprised by the lack of pain in my hip. Everything else hurts because I am not taking my RA meds. When I get back I sit in the recliner. Michelle and I play skip-bo in-between doctor and therapist visits. The first visit is an associate of my sergeon and says I get to go home today. Wwooooohooooo. Then comes the occupational therapist we go through some exercises and she decides I need a sock putter oner. She shows me how to put on my socks using it, very cool. Beats the heck out of a coat hanger and a pooper scooper handle.
Next I walk some more and find out I am not going today because my physical therapists went to see the mid night showing of twilight and wasn’t coming in till after lunch. We have lunch then a PT assistant comes and goes through my exercises with me. These hurt but I do all of them. I am really starting to get tired bed is looking really good. Michelle and I are playing cards and I am winning a lot. She says the morphine improves my game, I think she is just jealous because I am THE superior card player. About 2 o’clock Greg’s gets to the hospital. I am tired and ready to crawl back in bed. Greg wants to see me walk. So Michelle leaves and me Greg and rosy (my Cane) go for a walk. Now I am exhausted we get back to my room Greg helps me get back in bed and I close my eyes. In walks my physical therapist, she says she needs to see me walk. I say now and she acts offended that I am lying in bed and don’t wanna get up. She insists and Greg tries to defend me. So I am up and walking again. As we are walking down the hallway I ask how far I have to walk. She says as far I want, I respond really. She says yes, so I turn around and head back to my room. Greg helps me back to bed. I have never been happier to be in bed. And I sleep to dinner arrives. After dinner Greg goes home.
There is now more time in-between how often I can hit the morphine button. So no using the morphine button to put me to sleep. I spend a very long night in the hospital. Greg is there by breakfast we are very excited to be going home. We go for a morning walk and I show Greg where we had joint academy and the therapy room. We get back to my room and fill out the go home paper work. Greg packs me up and we wait. It seems to me we waited an eternity but it really was a matter of minutes. The nurse’s aid comes in and packs more stuff from our room to take home. It was very important to her for me to take my barf bucket home. She helps me into the car and we make it home. Home this where the real adventure begins.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Hip replacement 101
Hip replacement 101
I thought I had injured my hip at the gym but after a month of it not getting better I go to the rheumatologists. She runs some tests and x-rays. The day after the doctor’s visit we leave for Ohio, we got the call that Grandpa wanted to see us all be for he passes away. We get to Ohio and he passes into eternity around 2:30 in the morning. The next week is a blur of pain and emotion. We make it back home exhausted.
I call the rheumatologists she tells me I need hip replacement surgery and refers me to an orthopedic surgeon with much dread and apprehension I make the appointment. At this point nothing was helping the pain I cannot sleep and driving is out of the question. Bending my hip to get in or out of the car brings me to tears. Sitting is painful, standing up is less painful, laying down is painless for short periods of time BUT if I lay down for too long my hip locks up. My hip locking up is the kinda pain you see on cartoons when the character has stars and birds circling over their head while they are passed out on the floor. The orthopedic surgeon confirms that hip replacement surgery is my only option. He then tells me about a new approach to hip replacement surgery the anterior approach. It is minimally invasive and in most cases people are up and walking the same day. I am really psyched about this. The holiday season is approaching and I really don’t want to wait till January so we make an appointment for my surgery and at the same time I am enrolled in joint academy. My surgery was scheduled for November 19th at 2 in the afternoon. I am excited that relief is finally in sight. Joint academy was really cool, we preregister, do all the labs and x-rays, and they told us what we could expect. I met with the anesthesiologist and we decided that sense I have limited mobility in my neck and it would be hard to incubate me that he would do local anesthesia. I would get an epidural and be numb from the waist down. The orthopedic surgeon Instructed me to stop my rheumatoid arthritis meds (from here on out will be referred to as RA meds.) 2 weeks before surgery. I leave the doctor’s office mumbling under my breath about not being able to eat till after surgery they wouldn’t even let me have coffee. If they want me to not eat they should schedule my surgery earlier. I got my wish 3 days before my surgery they changed the time from 2 PM to 7 AM which means I have to be at the hospital at 5 AM. I call Greg to let him know there was a change of plan we are both happy about being the first surgery of the day. He promises he won’t have coffee or food in front of me. We will be happy tired grumpy together.
We get to the hospital at 4:30 AM that is my husband arrives early stay late. We get to pre op and I get an epidural and think it is pretty cool that I can’t feel anything from the waist down. They wheel me into the operating room and everything around me is fascinating. My doctor introduces me to everyone in the room and tells me it is time to transfer me to the operating table. I say cool and try to crawl onto the operating table. With very stunned expressions on their faces they tell me to just lie still and they will transfer me. Not as much fun but okay. I get transferred to the operating table and they put the oxygen mask over my face. I keep taking the oxygen mask off and asking questions. The anesthesiologist puts the mask over my face holds it there and says night night. Everything goes dark and all the surgeries after me are 20 minutes behind schedule because I couldn’t shut up.
I wake up in post op and my shoulder is killing me. I try to remain calm but the pain in my shoulder is unbearable and panic starts to set in. I don’t see anyone in the room with me, I feel completely abandoned at the same time I reach panic mode the nurse starts massaging my shoulder. Shortly thereafter they give me something for my shoulder and I go back to sleep. I wake up in my hospital room and as I figured I am hungry and somewhat hyper. I eat lunch and about 20 minutes later I start projectile vomiting. As I am puking up my toe nails I pause to admire the pretty colors in my bucket, my bed, the floor, and the walls and then I start another round of vomiting. After I get anti nausea meds and a little rest I try out my new hip. I walk a little bit and am pretty impressed with the lack of pain in my hip. I am walking with the pretty pink Cain that my husband gave me. I crawl back in bed and am happy to be there. Dinner arrives and I am famished I pretty much eat everything I can get my hands on. This leads to another round of vomiting. I ask for a diet coke maybe the carbonation will help settle my stomach. The truth is I just really wanted a diet coke. They bring me diet sprite (yuck) and put more anti nausea in my I.V. I finally keep some food down. The head nutritionist offers to ice down a six pack in my sink, I smile say thank you and decline. I am settled into my bed and I look over to Greg and he just looks dead dog tired. I send Greg home he has to work and he gets up at 4:30. I am lulled asleep by the gentle pushing of the button on my morphine pump.
I thought I had injured my hip at the gym but after a month of it not getting better I go to the rheumatologists. She runs some tests and x-rays. The day after the doctor’s visit we leave for Ohio, we got the call that Grandpa wanted to see us all be for he passes away. We get to Ohio and he passes into eternity around 2:30 in the morning. The next week is a blur of pain and emotion. We make it back home exhausted.
I call the rheumatologists she tells me I need hip replacement surgery and refers me to an orthopedic surgeon with much dread and apprehension I make the appointment. At this point nothing was helping the pain I cannot sleep and driving is out of the question. Bending my hip to get in or out of the car brings me to tears. Sitting is painful, standing up is less painful, laying down is painless for short periods of time BUT if I lay down for too long my hip locks up. My hip locking up is the kinda pain you see on cartoons when the character has stars and birds circling over their head while they are passed out on the floor. The orthopedic surgeon confirms that hip replacement surgery is my only option. He then tells me about a new approach to hip replacement surgery the anterior approach. It is minimally invasive and in most cases people are up and walking the same day. I am really psyched about this. The holiday season is approaching and I really don’t want to wait till January so we make an appointment for my surgery and at the same time I am enrolled in joint academy. My surgery was scheduled for November 19th at 2 in the afternoon. I am excited that relief is finally in sight. Joint academy was really cool, we preregister, do all the labs and x-rays, and they told us what we could expect. I met with the anesthesiologist and we decided that sense I have limited mobility in my neck and it would be hard to incubate me that he would do local anesthesia. I would get an epidural and be numb from the waist down. The orthopedic surgeon Instructed me to stop my rheumatoid arthritis meds (from here on out will be referred to as RA meds.) 2 weeks before surgery. I leave the doctor’s office mumbling under my breath about not being able to eat till after surgery they wouldn’t even let me have coffee. If they want me to not eat they should schedule my surgery earlier. I got my wish 3 days before my surgery they changed the time from 2 PM to 7 AM which means I have to be at the hospital at 5 AM. I call Greg to let him know there was a change of plan we are both happy about being the first surgery of the day. He promises he won’t have coffee or food in front of me. We will be happy tired grumpy together.
We get to the hospital at 4:30 AM that is my husband arrives early stay late. We get to pre op and I get an epidural and think it is pretty cool that I can’t feel anything from the waist down. They wheel me into the operating room and everything around me is fascinating. My doctor introduces me to everyone in the room and tells me it is time to transfer me to the operating table. I say cool and try to crawl onto the operating table. With very stunned expressions on their faces they tell me to just lie still and they will transfer me. Not as much fun but okay. I get transferred to the operating table and they put the oxygen mask over my face. I keep taking the oxygen mask off and asking questions. The anesthesiologist puts the mask over my face holds it there and says night night. Everything goes dark and all the surgeries after me are 20 minutes behind schedule because I couldn’t shut up.
I wake up in post op and my shoulder is killing me. I try to remain calm but the pain in my shoulder is unbearable and panic starts to set in. I don’t see anyone in the room with me, I feel completely abandoned at the same time I reach panic mode the nurse starts massaging my shoulder. Shortly thereafter they give me something for my shoulder and I go back to sleep. I wake up in my hospital room and as I figured I am hungry and somewhat hyper. I eat lunch and about 20 minutes later I start projectile vomiting. As I am puking up my toe nails I pause to admire the pretty colors in my bucket, my bed, the floor, and the walls and then I start another round of vomiting. After I get anti nausea meds and a little rest I try out my new hip. I walk a little bit and am pretty impressed with the lack of pain in my hip. I am walking with the pretty pink Cain that my husband gave me. I crawl back in bed and am happy to be there. Dinner arrives and I am famished I pretty much eat everything I can get my hands on. This leads to another round of vomiting. I ask for a diet coke maybe the carbonation will help settle my stomach. The truth is I just really wanted a diet coke. They bring me diet sprite (yuck) and put more anti nausea in my I.V. I finally keep some food down. The head nutritionist offers to ice down a six pack in my sink, I smile say thank you and decline. I am settled into my bed and I look over to Greg and he just looks dead dog tired. I send Greg home he has to work and he gets up at 4:30. I am lulled asleep by the gentle pushing of the button on my morphine pump.
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