The 2 and half weeks I don’t Remember

The 2 and half weeks I don’t Remember




I really feel like I went to sleep on that stretcher on January 14th and woke up on February 3rd in the hospital. I remember looking at the dry erase board thinking there had to be some kind of mistake. I am jumping way ahead so let me tell you what I remember. Wow, this is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I mainly remember that I was desperate for Greg and I wanted to see my mom. I am trying to start a sentence with something other then I remember. The next thing I recall is Pam in my room and she is talking to me and I am trying to stay awake. She brushes my hair and I was really thankful that someone remembered to brush my hair it tangles really easy.

Oh I want to mention that these next 2 ½ weeks are in no particular order. Every time I try to put them in some kind of order I get confused and lost. Next well maybe not next but at one time Leasa, Ellen, Alice and Michelle were in my room and I was in so much pain. The kind of pain that doesn’t let you rest or have any kind of peace. They were trying to get me to relax. Ellen gave me her hand and said its okay you can squeeze it and I did. Every once in while Michelle would appear and give me something to drink. Leasa was massaging my head and face while Alice sang the Emily mix of hymns that she would sing for her daughter. In-between people being around me there was mixture of pain and sadness. Pain that was so intense inwardly I would pray that God would take me home while outwardly begging for someone to just cut off my legs. Lady’s from my church came and prayed over me and I tried to concentrate on their words but there were too many drugs in my system for me to concentrate on anything.

The first real memory I have of being in the hospital is waking up in ICU and Greg telling me he was leaving which I took to mean he was leaving me and not the hospital. I closed my eyes to cry and saw demons swirling above my head. I opened my eyes and it was dark in my room I closed my eyes again and saw the demons. Then Greg came back and said someone wanted to see me. It was my friend Tina, she asked how I doing (this is when I discovered I could not talk) I tried to answer but nothing came out. She asked if she could pray for me and I nodded yes. Tina put her hands on my arm and she prayed and then she left. I noticed two very large figures standing behind me on either side of the bed. I very timidly asked the figure directly behind me,” What kind of man are you”? The figure answered “I am not a man, I am Jesus and this is not about you it is about spiritual warfare. “ I looked over to the other figure and Jesus said “I have sent my angel to protect you” then he disappeared but the angel remained. I closed my eyes and the demons were gone and in their place were an over whelming sense of peace and comfort. I was able to rest not just rest but sleep.

Sometime later in the middle of the night I realized my leg was gone. I panicked and I couldn’t talk I had a trake in my neck because they had a hard time incubating me. I was wild it felt like the bandage on my stump was cutting off circulation to my leg and I couldn’t communicate what I feeling. My night nurse finally realizes what I am trying to say. She says the bandage is not too tight. I insist that it is too tight seeing my growing panic she pulls the sheet down slides the bandage off of my stump and says see not too tight. I am stunned my right leg has been amputated below the knee. I lay back down I realize I am sweating, I try to speak and nothing I can’t talk all I can do is cry. I want my mom I swear I hear her in the waiting room. I want the nurse to check, but the nurse is trying to calm me down. I refuse to calm down I know my mom is here she wouldn’t let me go through something like this without her. As best as I can without being able to speak I demand to see my mom. Once again she gives me a baffled look and says it is the middle of the night. I start crying again and they put enough of something in my IV to knock me out. The next morning the nurse comes in to do vitals and change my bandages. She is happily singing along to an Amy Grant CD Greg has playing. She starts to change the bandage around my trake. The skin around the trake is just raw. Every time she touches it, it is torture. She cleans around my trake actually scrubbing some places the pain is excruciating and all I can do is cry.